On last night's "The City," viewers got a peek at a trash-inspired photo shoot that tiptoed into Zoolander-territory. This isn't the place to get into a long argument about the merits and history of avant-garde fashion. But Elle's photo shoot with Ke$ha justifies some suspicions normal people harbor about fashion insiders: yes, there are arbitrary rules that apply only to a few (leotards and fishnets for day!) and, yes, editors speak in a coded language ("a viper who's really into trash") that mystifies as much as it keeps outsiders out.

Now on to our patented Speakeasy Dueling Recap Showdown...

Dealing with Rejection and Loss
Audrina stops by Ryan's house, and they sit and haltingly break up on camera. They speak in vague relationship-y platitudes about things not going smoothly. It's just awkward enough to be either a real conversation caught on camera or a difficult conversation recreated for the cameras. But after crying for a day, Audrina perks up; she doesn't veto inviting Justin to her birthday party. When Justin shows up looking like a Polo ad in his pea coat and tousled hair, it's like a palate cleanser from Ryan, with his unfortunate hair, the deep V-neck tee and those red jeans from last week's episode. "I've learned a lot from dating you," Audrina tells Justin on the boat, in their own private scene from a still-unwritten Nicholas Sparks film.

Whitney is ready to hustle for new orders at a trade show. Kelly warns Whit that bad orders can lead to inventory ending up in the purgatory of Century 21 or T.J. Maxx, effectively echoing the current T.J. Maxx TV spots but with a notably less sunny spin. After a breezy encounter with a quirky buyer who places a large order, Whitney grows pale when she learns that he's canceled the entire order. Whitney accuses Roxy of not following up, but Kelly defends Roxy, and tries to turn the frustration into a teachable moment. "Remember what this feels like," she tells Whitney. "It will save you millions in the future."

Winner: The City. While Kelly is sympathetic to Whitney's frustration, she demonstrates that businesspeople have to dwell on solutions, not problems.

Best Way to Display Your Displeasure
Emote: Kristen vs Allie. A curious thing happens when you want to have a screaming match with your mortal enemy in a club. The music is so loud that you have to sit extremely close and lean your face into each other, real intimate like. In other circumstances being close enough to kiss is a sign of affection. But in the club, it's the only to make sure you're ready with your contribution to this significant exchange: "You're crazy!", "No, you're crazy." We're not saying we condone violence, but even our cats throw a few paws around after that much screeching. This constant circling is getting tiresome.

Simper: Olivia vs Punk Rock Shoes. Ever been confused by a stop light that flashes "stop" and "go" at the same time? That's what Olivia does, when confronted with things she doesn't like. She smiles tightly, to communicate that she'll be strenuously polite. But she casts her eyes down, or looks aside, to also let her audience know that her smile is just a display. At Trash & Vaudeville, while looking for shoes for a Ke$ha shoot (and encountering legendary salesclerk Jimmy Webb), she pulls out that smile when forced to try on some clunky shoes that displease her aesthetic. Olivia refuses to walk in the shoes, causing two shop girls to whisper about her airs. "What?" Olivia says defensively to no one in particular, annoyed that people are correctly interpreting the holier-than-thou signals she's sending. As an early twenty-first century philosopher once noted, elegance is learned, my friend.

Winner: Ugh. Draw.

Mastering the Office Tell-Off
Kristin stops by Smashbox to pick up Lo for lunch, and runs into McKaela. Kristin's accent gets even more nasally and languid when she's annoyed, as when McKaela suggests that Kristin's aggressiveness with Allie is really about jealousy over Brody. They trade passive-aggressive taunts about whether these kinds of fights suggest that Kristin's world is too small, or is a sign that her life is so great that she doesn't have anything else to worry about. Sigh. Chicks.

Olivia pulls some Derelicte-inspired Nicholas Kirkwood shoes for the Ke$ha shoot. When Erin asks her for her contact at the company, Olivia cites confidentiality, as if she's Elle's Bob Woodward. Erin suggests that maybe Louise asked for the shoes? Olivia, all arched eyebrows and faux politeness, crows to Erin that Erin's plan to "pin them against each other isn't working." "First of all, it's pit, not pin," Erin says, not bothering to hide her bemusement. Olivia saunters away, presumably to join Kelly Bensimon for lemonade in la la land.

Winner: The City because once you get emotional, you lose. Erin manages a wry smile for Olivia, and doesn't seem fazed...until Olivia is safely out of sight.

This week's winner: The City, because Kristin's empty threats are increasingly hysterical. If she wants to play it cool, she should learn from Erin.