If you didn't catch "Downtown Calling" at the HBO Latino Film Festival in Chelsea last night, you may have to wait some time to see it. But remember the title because the documentary is lively, expertly edited and presents a deft deconstruction of how New York's creative mythology rose from the ashes of a once broke, lawless and smelly city.
Which is to say, it's ready made to push the buttons of anyone scraping by in the five boroughs.
The film marks the directorial debut of Shan Nicholson, who corralled usual suspects Debbie Harry, Fab 5 Freddy, Mos Def and Nelson George to guide viewers through the birth of hip hop, the rise of dance culture and the surprising cross-pollination between Bronx b-boys and downtown post-punk rockers.
"In our minds these were sequestered scenes," Nicholson said. "Oh there was the gay scene. And there was the hip hop scene. But no, these guys were all vibing off each other hard. That was a huge [surprise]."
"Downtown Calling" acknowledges the documentaries that came before it, such as 'Wild Style' and 'Style Wars', by interviewing those directors. The film situates our contemporary too-glam, corporate-friendly New York as a direct descendant of those wild days. For once, someone finally makes the case that bombed-out graffiti subway cars were obnoxious to the everyday commuter (thank you, Nelson George). But cleaning up subway cars (which occurred as a way to lure the middle class into the subway system) was a harbinger of New York's age of prosperity, which in turn shuffled in sky-high rents, bottle clubs and the "Lion King" in Times Square.
The film, which was four years in the making, is still a work in progress, as the producers tinker with clearances and seek distribution, co-producer Ben Velez explained after the screening. Velez and Nicholson are already working on two other documentaries, on New York street gangs and the history of gay activists ACT UP.
"These cats are in their 30s. They weren't there when this was happening," producer Michael Holman told the sold-out room. Holman, whose quippy one-liners stole a few scenes in the film, founded the experimental group Gray with artist Jean-Michel Basquiat and later wrote the screenplay for the film "Basquiat."
"[Shan Nicholson] understood the importance of the foundation that had been laid between uptown and downtown," Holman said. "Shan's passion to not let that disappear drove him to make this film. Often it's people on the outside, like John Schlesinger from London, who made one of the greatest New York City films, 'Midnight Cowboy' -- oftentimes it's the outsider who can capture it better than anyone else. Shan certainly did that."
HBO's Latino Film Festival is in full swing, and runs through August 1.
]]>
]]>
Lessons learned from this week's Top Chef: "Less is more" and "It's only cheating if you get caught."
So, quickly, so we can get to the good stuff. What could top last week's weird proteins quickfire? Hors d'oeuvres! Uh. Sure, ok. On with it, then. Winner gets $20,000 plus immunity. Elbows are thrown in the scramble for proteins and amid little bits of lamb, pork and kebab, Angelo emerges as the winner. People clap politely for him (even Kenny) but you know they don't mean it. Angelo has the grace to look pleased and surprised. (Look at us! We're going sweet on Angelo, who doesn't deserve our affection. But we're a bit hard up for someone to root for this season, so it might as well be the cute one.)
With that out of the way, this week's elimination challenge was not restaurant wars, as I had guessed, but a power lunch with some political TV types, include Luke Russert,Joe Scarborough, and Mika Brzezinski.
On to the Case of Missing Pea Puree. Of all the things that happened last night, the storyline that really mattered had to do with peas. Yes, peas. The night before the challenge, Alex is all, IDK what to do. Maybe peas? Kenny and Andrea (who's a total gossip over Tiffany and Ed's hangouts and needs to just mind her own business) tell Alex that Ed is working with peas, too. Oh, Alex says, his brown eyes inscrutable.
The next day, amid the scramble for lunch service, Ed goes looking for his peas but can't find them in any cooler. (This entire time I thought they each got a cooler to themselves, go figure.) Cut to Alex, looking a little lost, carrying a suspiciously pea-colored sauce around. Ed hunts and can't find any peas so he uses some of Tiffany's broccolini instead.
Lo, Tiffany, Alex and Ed are hauled before the judges and... they got the best scores! Guess what's called out during judging? Peas! Meanwhile, in the backroom and in the kitchen after service, a whisper campaign has started. When Alex is eventually named the winner, he enters the room to cheers, which instantly go silent when he says it was because of the puree.
But let's hold the editing accountable. Tom Colicchio points out that Ed never asked Alex if he stole the peas, and it is possible that Alex either made his own puree or accidentally took Ed's dish. It is entirely possible that Alex, rather than trying to be Machiavellian, is continuing an established pattern of hitting dumb luck amid clumsy kitchen techniques.
Does this mean we don't have to feel conflicted about Angelo, because there's a new villain? More on this in future episodes, I'm sure.
As for the losers, Kelly is chastised over using too much salt (which she splashed so she wouldn't have to share with dippy Amanda). Andrea makes a weak excuse about not liking to eat swordfish, which no one buys. Kevin's lamb wasn't cooked properly and suggested an overall carelessness. Kevin and Kelly are spared but gossipy Andrea is sent home.
Next week: Serving ambassadors, with a cameo from Marcus Samuelsson.]]>
]]>
Top Chef, we have a bone to pick.
How is foie gras in any way an obscure protein? When foie gras is so overexposed that it's not uncommon to see it on floating by on trays at ritzy society parties, why is it included as part of a group of "nasty proteins"?
On last night's Quick Fire, chefs each picked from a table of wierdo proteins like crocodile, yak, llama and emu eggs. Angelo thinks he's all fancy when he chooses the duck white kidneys. Then Padma has to go ruin it for him, asking, "Do you know what those really are?" Angelo steps away from the bowl, as if he already can guess...
"They're duck testicles." The other chefs cackle evilly as Angelo looks horrified. Psshah, Ed says, describing how he once made a dirty-named dish for Todd English that involves testicles and rooster coxcomb. We wished Ed had taken the crocodile so he could further try to impress Tiffany. Oh, and pudgy Ed once stole away foxy Angelo's girlfriend in college. Really?? Ed must have more game than LeBron if that's the case because... Angelo. Look at him.
So, where were we? Right, so Angelo et al. set to work but lo, not much time has passed when Padma walks in and announces they have to stop and pass their dish to whoever is on the left. Goodbye, duck testicles. Hello, crocodile. Andrea, in particular, is sweating the challenge because, she sniffs, she knows judge Michelle Bernstein and considers her at peer-level, not judge-caliber. The two women exchange saccharine smiles that fool no one. Oh, and don't think we didn't notice that the producers made sure to cut to a dude smirking (Stephen) as Padma takes a bite of the duck balls. Stay classy, Bravo.
As expected, Michelle tells Andrea that her boar is not cooked well enough. Instead, Kelly's emu omelette catapults her into the immunity ring this week.
Elimination challenge: Cook a cold dish that you'll serve to half of your teammates. The chefs get to do some dish planning aboard the boat version of Air Force One. Angelo is talking tempura with Stephen, when Kevin overhears it. Kevin tattles to Kenny and they try to figure out what Angelo's moves mean, as if they were playing a game of Battleship. (See what we did there?)
Angelo's team (Tiffany, Stephen, Alex, Andrea and Tamesha) is the first to be served. Man, are they some cold mofos. The food suffers from everything from "lack of acidity" to "needed salt" to "congealing." Kenny and Amanda take the brunt of abuse, but not before Tom, smirking, tries to point out how overly mean and childish they're all being. The acidity is fine, he says of Kevin's dish after Andrea derides it as "one-note." Oh, look, Angelo says that Kenny's dish is "convoluted" and "muddled." Kenny is voted to the bottom even though Amanda's dish was filled with cartilage to hear them tell it. Kevin is nominated for the winner of Team A.
Even though Tom tells Team A that their cohorts harshed on them, Team A is more giving with their compliments but not by much. Tiffany's ahi tuna is "refreshing" and "beautifully prepared," the group says. They don't like anybody else. On Angelo's poached salmon: "I couldn't appreciate the flavors." Stephen's chilled beef: "Didn't want to take another bite." Tamesha's scallops: "A trainwreck." Andrea's tartare trio: "Needs something more." Tiffany is roundly the favorite, while, sadly, Tamesha is just as popular a choice for the worst dish spot.
(Kevin wins.)
When Kenny faces the judges, he defends himself by saying that he's the victim of strategizing. Actually, no. "I really didn't enjoy the flavors on the dish," Michelle Bernstein says. "If I could talk about each piece that was on the dish, it would take me through to the end of the show." Oh! Slam! Now who's being overly mean? But even after that takedown, Tamesha's dish is deemed "shockingly bad" so she goes home.
As Tamesha, Angelo's mentee, packs her knives, Tiffany muses that maybe Angelo set up his protege to lose and therefore, one can only trust yourself. Even we think that's a bit much... but how did we end up sort of rooting for the jerky hot one? Top Chef, you've got us all mixed up.
Next week: Another dropped dish! Oh noes! Plus, restaurant wars and the case of the missing pea puree.]]>
]]>
When the James Hotel opens its doors this fall in SoHo, on the corner of Thompson and Grand, many things will be shiny and new. But some of the staff will look like they have waited years for customers to arrive. British menswear designer Andrew Buckler created uniforms influenced by Charles Dickens for the front of house staff.
Researching classic hotel garb, Mr. Buckler found that early uniforms incorporated top hats, tails and militaristic elements. "I didn't want that crispness," Mr. Buckler says. "So I turned to 'Oliver Twist' and 'Gangs of New York.' Those clothes were more worn-in."
His designs for the James include a deep espresso sheepskin winter coat, ecru shirts, gray sweaters, navy slim skirts and trousers in speckled wools and organic cottons. Despite the ostensible shabby chic, the uniforms are secretly extremely durable, and constructed to withstand frequent dry cleanings.
Denihan Hospitality Group hired Mr. Buckler as part of an effort to tap neighborhood talent. Mr. Buckler's store is three blocks from the hotel on Greene.
"There is an undertone of the uniform that is inspired by my own collection," the designer says. "Hopefully people will be able to identify that kind of feeling and wander down Grand Street." ]]>
]]>
Having never dated a chef, we're unfamiliar with the mating rituals of the kitchen-inclined. But thanks to snooping cameras, we now have proof that when chefs flirt, they engage in strange food one-upmanship. Ed is sweet on Tiffany (anytime a man says he loves a woman's laugh, he's already a goner), so he tries to impress her by trotting out his trusty time-he-ate-a-fried-crocodile story. She titters appreciatively, craning her neck just so and raising her shoulder coyly. Oh, it's on.
Meanwhile, foxy Angelo is relishing his "mentor" role to Tamesha, but in a totally creepy way. His idea of courtship involves whispering Machiavellian sweet nothings in her ear like "Take action. Don't hesitate. Make them chase you." As he's talking her ear off, Tamesha lingers appreciatively, and later in the episode runs to him for help. During the elimination challenge, Angelo describes Tamesha's cherry compote as "tart and luscious and sexy," while he describes his preparation of his protein as "I made love to that duck." Which made us think about that scene in "9 1/2 Weeks" and not in sexy way.
Moving to more discomfort with a brutal Quick Fire!
The cheftestants march into the kitchen and come eye to eye with a bunch of not-wanting-to-die making-a-run-for-it crabby crabs. Now, we love us some crabs, but just like the famous scene in "Annie Hall," the mere thought of a living crab in the kitchen dissolves us into hysterics. (We heretically buy our crab canned thankyouverymuch.) Top Chefs, on the other hand, get creative with killing their crabs. Sprinkle some paprika on them and toss those wrigglers into the oven like Hansel and Gretel! Smack their little bodies open with a hammer and dig out their warm insides! Eep!
At the end of the crustacean massacre, guest judge Patrick O'Connell singles out Ed, Kenny and Angelo. But it's Ed (of the Hansel and Gretel technique) who takes the win and immunity with his Thai basil and mango crab salad. (Falling to the bottom: Andrea, Amanda and Kevin.)
The chefs head into the elimination challenge blindly this week. They're told they have to work as one big team to serve forty farmers on the grounds of a sustainable Virginia farm, and they won't know the ingredients or tools until they arrive. Naturally, some Lord of the Flies-type power-wrangling ensues, with guess who jousting over who gets to be top dog. Angelo, all cracking knuckles and raised voice, stares down alpha-male Kenny, who channels all his linebacker mojo.
Kenny suggests that the chefs stay in their teams of two from the last challenge. Everyone is fine with that except Ed, who looks longingly at Tiffany. Tiffany, meanwhile, decides that she's not carrying Tim's dead weight around for a second time.
The next morning, the chefs arrive to find tables of ingredients, from squash to pork loin to strawberries. A scramble ensues, then moves over to the prep tables.
Kevin is all set to do a cauliflower dish when Tamesha drops the entire bowl on the grass. Oh noes! Angelo runs over, and suggests saving the veggies, but thankfully, Kevin decides that the five-second rule doesn't apply in cow fields. Off he goes to pick up some broccoli and start all over again. Meanwhile, Angelo and Tamesha get cozy over cherries and duck. Andrea and Kelly reprise their efficient bickering over pork loin and roasted apple and beets. Amanda crows that her minestrone could take on the Progresso people.
The guests file in, bundled up in scarves and coats. Early stand outs from the family style dinner include Andrea's pork loin, Kelly's beet and apples and Kenny's hot and sour eggplant. Stephen's salad underwhelms and there are mutters over Amanda's soup.
This week's top four: Andrea, Kelly, Kenny and Kevin. For Kevin, the kudos must be especially sweet since he had to save his dish after the cauliflower ended up on the ground. Kenny's curry garners a compliment from Padma, which Tom quips is high praise coming from her. Andrea and Kelly are commended for their balance of flavors in "an elegantly rustic" dish. Kenny takes another win for a dish "that was striking in its clarity."
In the cringe-worthy bottom four: Amanda, Timothy and Stephen. In a Cooking 101 moment, Tom asks Amanda why one cuts things uniformly. "So they cook uniformly." "Why then did you not things uniformly?" Her minestrone is no such thing, Eric Ripert chides. There's no pasta. It's grandmotherly and lacking polish, Patrick O'Connell piles on. Stephen is taken to task for an overly complicated salad. After all the Amanda-scolding, surprisingly, it's Timothy who is sent for ill-prepared, boring turnips and potatoes. He rues that he's not sent home for something more ambitious, like a rack of lamb.
Next week: Angelo helps Tamesha and Stephen. Then Kenny, Tamesha and Angelo judge dishes by some out of luck cheffers.]]>
]]>
People, we don't even know where to start.
After last night's series-closing "Hills" episode, we feel a bit like those high school dweebs who thought that think the cute classmate is asking them out, but then they just get pansted in front the whole school. When executive producer Adam Divello promised "surprises," we thought he meant that maybe Lauren or Heidi would make an appearance. (Lauren did, but only at the after-show.)
We didn't expect that after years of being told the shows weren't scripted, that the closing image of the series would reveal a Hollywood set. Ok, so it was a wink to the mass of invisible hands behind each perfectly lit conversation. But after four years of striving to present a cinematic version of real life, some people aren't thrilled with being toyed with. "So what was the appeal of watching semi-actors go about their semi-lives?," asks Vulture's Emma Rosenblum. Gawker is harsher: "The lives that everyone has obsessed over for years are exposed as the scripted fallacy we've always joked about."
MTV is telling the audience that we can't have it both ways; mass entertainment shouldn't be confused with vérité or documentaries. Such aesthetic choices are not without precedent. Werner Herzog, for example, often embellished his "documentaries" by writing lines for his subjects that he thinks they would have said. What Herzog calls "the accountant's truth" is never as revealing as the director's malleable truth; to wit, the lives of pretty young people in Los Angeles are twisted to reflect the pratfalls and ambitions of a network audience. We get it, MTV. But after years of playing down the production in favor of a semblance of realism, we still feel a little short-changed.
Onto our dueling recap, for the last time!
Our Heroine Moves On...
Kristin has several conversations that revolve around finding herself by leaving Los Angeles, seeing Europe and getting over Brody. Brody half-heartedly tells Kristin that he wouldn't have started dating other girls (Avril Lavigne? What?) if he knew that meant she'd leave. Whatever, Brody. Now everything is even doubly suspect... though we think Kristin really did love him and was genuinely hurt when she was rejected.
Who can we still believe in, though? Whitney! Whitney unwittingly sets off a p.r. detente when she lets Kelly know that rival p.r. lady Alison Brod is sniffing around her. Trust us, p.r. people hate it when you even mention the competition's name. When Whitney visits Alison Brod, the office is a magical unicorn princess candyland, filled with pink candies, ribbons and gumdrops. Later, Kelly is stung that gossips are saying that Whitney fired her (as if!). Kelly, channeling Heathers-era Winona, snaps, "I don't need to defend my agency against a girl who wears pink!" Whitney tries to apologize but Kelly dismisses Whitney with a "get out of my office."
Winner: The City...because facing Kelly Cutrone's wrath is terrifying even in "scripted" shows.
Forging New Alliances...Maybe
Lo, the wisecracking and sensible one, decides to break her rule about moving in with a boy without being engaged to him first. They're in love! And she wants to make babies! It's all adorable...until we remember that Lo is all of 23. Will there be a 'Lo Getting Married'? For her sake, we hope not but we'd watch.
Olivia, after impressing Joe with her "work" in Japan, is rewarded with the Elle.com job, over Louise, who takes a job in L.A. The new job will entail working even closer with Erin, Joe foreshadows. "You okay with that, Erin?" Olivia says, not unsmugly. Erin looks daggers.
Winner: The City...only because we're still not tired of the Olivia-and-Erin show.
Best Finale Closing Moments
We've already said our piece on the Hills.
As for the City, we see Whitney's thousand-yard stare in Washington Square park, as she decides whether she'll join Alison Brod and leave Kelly. (She does.) But even if we didn't know that from the gossip blogs a few months back, we can still sympathize with Whitney, the sunny girl with a real collection, mulling over real-life decisions related to her career.
Winner: The City...because just let them try to pull that soundstage stuff in New York.
]]>
]]>
Tonight, MTV will air a finale double-feature, as "The Hills" and "The City" wrap up their story lines. In the case of "The Hills," tonight's episode marks the end of the series, after more than 100 episodes, incalculable tears and some very public breakdowns. Executive producer Adam Divello was in the middle of editing his last "Hills" episode when he took our call late last week. He wouldn't give out any details, but said the producers "shot a lot of surprises."
The Wall Street Journal: How do you feel about "The Hills" ending after six seasons?
Adam Divello: It's a bittersweet moment for us to see the series end. It was something we all felt that it was the right time.
Will there be any spin offs?
Never say never. There's definitely been some interest but nothing is in the works right now.
Is there any truth to rumors that Stephanie Pratt will join the cast of "The City?"
We've never talked to Stephanie Pratt about coming to "The City," so I don't know. We are just wrapping up the second season of that show and we haven't started on the third season. We haven't gotten an official pick up yet. You don't always get the word when you expect [it]. The cast and crew is standing by. We're pretty confident.
Is that why rumors swirled that "The City" was cancelled?
I don't know how that got out there. I don't know how any of this stuff gets planted. ["The City"] hasn't been canceled at all. We go through a stage of pre-production where we figure out what we would present next season, and we're presenting that to the network. But it's looking very positive that "The City" will return.
I'm very fond of "The City" because it focuses on Whitney's career.
When we started out in season one, we were coming off of Whitney leaving the Hills. We went very relationship heavy the first season and I think it was fun to see Whitney dating and running around the city trying to her act together. The second season we went more work related because I think that's the fun thing to watch. Like a lot of New Yorkers, they take their careers and their work very seriously. When we come back next season, I think a lot of the players are going to be in different places.
Olivia told us that she's edited in a certain way because the show needs drama. Do you agree that the truth is relative to editing?
When we go into these shows, I explain to the cast, 'We are going to follow you around. We are going to make a drama out of your everyday existence.' There is editing involved. There is music involved. We're using a fraction of what they do in their day-to-day lives to tell a story.
It's not a documentary. We're not following Olivia around 24 hours a day. It's her under a microscope. It's probably a slight exaggeration of who she is but it's all based on [her]. We don't write the lines for [the cast] and we don't tell them what to say. What comes out of their mouths is what comes out of their mouths.
]]>
Last night's episode exhausted us, and we were only passive watchers. The latest pack of Top Chef wannabes were put through the proverbial wringer, cooking four dishes under threat of execution, I mean, elimination. No wonder that they were sniping bundles of nerves by the end of their day.
But we get ahead of ourselves.
Early one bright morning, the chefs march into the Hilton kitchen, unaware of the long day that stretches ahead. First up: baby food! Make a dish that will appeal to new parents Tom and Padma, and include a puree version for babies. There will be two winners, who each get $10,000. If Arnold were to win ten grand, he'd send it to a charity that helps HIV orphans. If Alex were to win, he wants an eight-ball and a hooker, he maybe-kinda-not-really jokes. Stay classy, Alex.
The chef who have kids get all chest-puffy that they have an inside angle, while the chefs without kids look stricken. (It's really not that hard, guys.) People whip out all sorts of things like fenugreek broth, baby carrots, curry chicken (for a baby?) and a ginger-peach pork loin. Timothy, Kevin, Alex and Kelly get thrown under the bus at judging. Tom anoints Tamesha (vegetable chowder with lobster) as his winner, while Padma picks Kenny (curried chicken with mango salad).
For the elimination challenge, the chefs pair off into teams of two (you can just hear their hearts dropping) for a three-part race to create a dish for the Hilton. After each service (breakfast, lunch and dinner) the winners are saved while the losers truck on. At the end, one team of two packs their knives.
Immediately, there's tension in the teams. Ed and Alex can barely abide each other, yet somehow end up together. Angelo hates nearly everyone but tolerates Tamesha. Timothy makes a beeline for Tiffany, who is a little superstitious of his recent bad luck. No one wants to pick Amanda (we get it) so she ends up with Stephen. Kelly goes with Andrea. Gruff Lynne and perky Arnold get together.
Welcome the judges, who include Bryan Voltaggio, Mike Isabella and Spike Mendelsohn plus Eric Ripert, a Hilton lady and another restaurateur whose name we didn't catch.
Round 1: Breakfast
Who wins: Timothy and Tamesha, for their crab cake benedict, which was all Tiffany's doing. Amanda and Stephen (poached egg with pancetta and potato rosti) are also saved. Take that Amanda-haters.
Who fails: The Alex & Ed show forgets to add a hotcake to their dish, plus run out of time to add the hollandaise.
Round 2: Lunch
Who wins: Angelo/ Tamesha's beef slivers with jicama-pear salad. Alex / Ed bumble their way to safety with sea scallops with potato gnudi.
Who fails: Andrea, who horrifies the judges when she admits to using canned beans because they were running low on time. How long does it take to cook a bag of beans? Tom says, in that tone of voice that just gets higher with each word but isn't really a question. The other judges shake their heads and put their spoons down.
Round 3: Dinner
Angelo, that classy guy, gloats that he's now safe (yeah, but just barely, buddy) while his nemesis Kenny is still working and can still face going home. Seriously, are these two going to kiss or what?
As the remaining teams head into dinner, their world contracts into tiny tunnel-vision perspective. As the clock ticks down, the chefs have time for decisions and indecisions which a minute will reverse. How much horseradish is too much? Is it it suicidal or efficient to cook fresh pasta 12 minutes ahead of time? Who is paying attention to the jus that will glaze the short ribs?
Who wins: Kelly and Andrea, who make short ribs that show up the ribs put forth by Kenny and Kevin.
Who fails: Kenny/Kevin's ribs come under fire for not having enough oomph in their horseradish sauce. Arnold and Lynne are castigated for undercooked pasta. Throughout prep time, Arnold had pushed to start the pasta, with Lynne holding out against cooking fresh pasta for twelve minutes. She must like it super-crunchy because everyone thought it was undercooked.
Who goes home: Lynne, who deserves it, and Arnold, who doesn't. As Arnold leaves, we say goodbye to the one chef that was kinda all right and might have grown on us. Everyone else is... let's just say it, either bland or obnoxious. We already know who the Robins of this season are, but we're still looking to fill the spots in our hearts previously taken by Eli, Kevin and Jen Carroll. Timothy, Kenny, Tiffany -- step up the charm or this season will be, just like the city it's set in, dominated by unlikable bullies. Thoughts, readers? Anyone you're rooting for yet?
Next week: Angelo and Kenny stoke their bromance by fighting some more. People cook outside and a dish falls onto the ground.]]>
]]>
Last night's dose of celebreality left us embittered, listless and craving a cigarette. Why bother having friends if they just let us down? What do you do when you lay bare your feelings, only to have people say it's not enough? What if we really, really deserve a $4,000-a-month apartment but can't afford it? It's enough to make a girl never want to leave home (well, that and a New York heat wave.) Just one episode shy of the finales, we watched Kristin and Whitney each go through a messy breakup.
And now, on to the patented Speakeasy Weekly Celebreality Ennui Challenge!
Best Example of Parenting A Generation of Reality TV Children
Heidi's mother Darlene arrives in Los Angeles, determined to see her errant daughter, one Mrs. Spencer Pratt. Neither Heidi's little sister Holly nor Darlene even have Heidi's current phone number; Holly gets it on the sly from someone and doesn't get a reply to a text or an answer to her call. Darlene looks pale and wan, and she tells Holly that she's needed sleeping aids to deal with her pain. "I'm mourning the loss of a child," she says, tearing up. Is this the same visit that ended with a splash on TMZ, a restraining order and catty comments to the tabloid press? We think it is.
Poor little rich girl Roxy has had enough of bickering with Whitney, so she's going to strike out on her own. Will she go to Williamsburg or Crown Heights or Bushwick and hunker down in a windowless room with five other scrappy upstarts? No, of course not. She tours a $4,000 doorman-fronted Manhattan 1-bedroom, which is "perfect" if a bit "small" but also a "deal." Roxy can't afford it, so she hits up her father Ken Olin. Ken Olin awesomely gives his daughter the kind of talking to we'd dish out to our own errant layabout kid. No, you can't have rent money, he says. You have to commit to something and figure out what you want to do with your life. I'm not going to foot the bill anymore, he says as Roxy's doorman dreams disintegrate.
Winner: Hands down, Ken Olin.
Handling A Break Up
Kristin, egged on by her friends and phantom rom-com writers ("You're going to end up regretting it if you don't say something!"), has Brody over. Tensely, they sip wine. Kristin lays out her case: she wants to be Brody's girlfriend. He equivocates, complaining that she was playing games with him to make him jealous (forgetting his Jayde, McKaela and "little sister" shenanigans). When Kristin points out that she's only ever paid attention to him, Brody plays his ace card. It's too late, he says, and doesn't try to spare Kristin's feelings when he tells her that there's someone else. Kristin looks broken-hearted. Brody leaves.
Roxy and Whitney go through several stages of grief, from passive-aggressive bitching in front of Kelly Cutrone (who awesomely rolls her eyes and resists knocking their heads together) to loudly bickering during a fashion show, again in front of Kelly (this time, she shuts them up with an exclamation of her own.) Whitney feels betrayed. Roxy feels unloved. Whitney comes home to find Roxy packing and is hurt that it's happening so quickly. "Why not?," Roxy says. "Why not rip it off like a Band-Aid?" Their terse goodbyes play like a romantic break up. She's off to stay with Sammi but promises to call later, as Whit looks sadly out her window.
Winner: The Hills, because only Kristin seemed to know what she wanted.
Trying Out New Horizons
Lo has a boyfriend that has never been seen on the show. But he exists and they just celebrated an anniversary. He hints that he wants to make things more serious once she graduates. She tells him that she's had the best year of her life because of him. It's all very sweet and our reality radar picks up what might be the MTV version of "Bethenny Getting Married." (At least that's what next week's trailers suggested.)
Olivia is going to Japan! In the middle of a photo shoot, she stops Joe to say that there's an opportunity to visit Japan or something. Maybe she could go? And write about it? Write about what, asks Joe, nervously twirling some gold cuffs. IDK, street style stuff?, Liv says. Joe lights up! That's a great idea! Back in Brooklyn, we look around the room incredulously. Is it really that easy to pitch ideas to Elle?! Our pitch process would make Olivia cry. Conversely, Elle magazine? Call me. Seriously, people. This just isn't fair.
Winner: The City, but only because sending Olivia to Japan could not not be hilarious.
This week's winner...The City, carried far on the weight of Ken Olin's single appearance. We suppose we're signaling that we're old by identifying with the adults but when given a choice between exasperated grown ups like Kelly and Ken or fluffy-headed scamps like our stars, well, we're going with experience every time.]]>
]]>
It's Fourth of July week on Top Chef! Get out the sparklers and pack the picnic basket.
The chefs stream into the kitchen to face famous Jean-Georges pastry chef Johnny Iuzzini. This can only end in tears. Yep, it's a Make a Pie Quick Fire. As a preview for what Top Chef Just Desserts will be about, Johnny and Gail Simmons will supervise a pastry quick fire. (Personally, we're still patiently waiting for Top Chef Cocktails.)
The chefs get two hours to cook, and instead of the usual prep-then-cut-to-winners montage, the camera stays with the chefs through a few commercials breaks. (Nearly 20 minutes of footage! That took forever in Top Chef time.) Angelo, Kenny and Stephen infuse their pies with savory elements like curry and Chinese five spices. Tracey's pie burns and she has to start over again. Ed gets a hair-brained idea to use celery in his banana cream pie. (Maybe after Angelo used the celery gambit last episode?).
Lynne doesn't sweat the Quick Fire because she's used to teaching pastry recipes.... Can we just say, this is maybe the second time we've noticed Lynne? It's probably because she's not very effective on TV. At a later point, there is a goofy commercial where the chefs talk about morning routines and they bounce around saying things like, "Making breakfast for the kids!" "Walking my dogs!" "I'm a mommy!". Cue Lynne, who in a Droopy voice intones, "Big. Hot. Cup of Coffee." Oh, dear.
So anyway, Kelly's chocolate ganache is commended for its simplicity and Stephen's curried apple date pie for his flavor combination, but bait-and-switch, Kenny's bananas foster with Chinese five spice takes his first win, along with immunity. We're not sure we like Kelly, because she says she's always good at everything.
This week's Elimination Challenge: Cater a picnic for Capitol Hill interns!
People whip up everything from lamb meatballs to Vietnamese grilled meat (one guess who that is) to Italian sliders to Puerto Rican flank steak.
On the day before the challenge, Alex and Amanda get into a shouting match over an oven, which Amanda says she had claimed prison-rules-style. The rest of us squares would describe that as "calling dibs" but hey, we're boring. Tracey flips out a little bit, starts talking to herself, coaxing the grinder to put her back into it (someone's been listening to Mystikal). Amusing to us, but it gives other chefs the heebie jeebies, as they hope Tracey's chattering isn't the second coming of Robin.
The next day, the chefs set up on the rolling hills of Mount Vernon. The women, and some of the gay men, need a little help getting their grills going while the straight men happily start fires. (Somewhere Tim Allen is making monkey noises.)
Poor Timothy was introducing his dish to the judges (which include Top Chef Masters' Jonathan Waxman) when a bird (a duck, maybe?) dive-bombs the table, leaving behind his mark, and missing the food by mere inches. Although Waxman says that it was good luck, the judges are unimpressed with Timothy's ribs and pork loin with grilled vegetables. "Maybe the bird knew something we didn't," Padma cruelly quips as the judges snicker. We feel very bad for Timothy, who seems like a nice guy.
Others who fared badly: Kevin, who made safe Puerto Rican fare, but had bland rice and undercooked beans. When he protested that Puerto Ricans would like it just fine, Gail shut him down by reminding that he should be preparing Top Chef-level food. Stephen wrapped a sea bass in bacon but cooked neither the fish nor the bacon right. Tom kept coming back to Stephen's couscous, stunned by how bad it was. Tracey had planned to make Italian sausage but switched to sliders when the sausage maker broke. The meat was raw, it was just white bread and greasy peppers and onions, she was told. Tom said she had insulted Italians. Ouch.
In the end, Tracey, who had bad luck with her Quick Fire, couldn't shake her bad mojo, and she was asked to go. Tracey, who also said she was a psychic with an 85% accuracy rate, went on to predict her demise when the bottom four were sent back by the judges.
The high scorers this week: Arnold, Amanda, Angelo and Ed. Arnold's sesame lamb meatball was "full of flavor." Angelo's Vietnamese wrap was "nice and crisp." Ed's tuna loin with hummus was "a bold choice." Even Angelo, who put his ego aside, tries Amanda's ribs and proclaims them better than his own food. The judges agreed but Waxman says that her salad was superfluous. This week's winner: Arnold, who vows to keep his momentum up.
Next week: A double elimination! Angelo flips out, Alex and Ed fight and someone commits Top Chef heresy by using canned beans. With cameos from a Voltaggio and Jersey Mike.]]>
]]>
On this week's 'The Hills' there were wondrous waterfalls and playful monkeys. (And crabs in the girls' bedrooms that set themselves up for easy jokes.) On 'The City,' there was sumptuous dresses with feathers and electric blue tuxedo pants that Martha Stewart pretended to like, in the way that your grandmother says "That's nice" to everything from silly bandz to Drake. But even while surrounded by high fashion, or literally in paradise, everyone was unhappy.
This week, Speakeasy presents a psychodramatic recap showdown.
Dealing with exotic creatures from far-off lands
On a trip to Costa Rica, Stephanie flips out at the thought of spiders and monkeys, and worries that there are cheetahs that will eat her while she's hiking. (This sounds like the set-up for a joke, but we can't tease her when we've never been camping because of our fear of bears.) Kristin, on the other hand, gets a close up look at a Costa Rican bartender, genus lip ring resortus. Ever brave and plucky, she decides to study this odd creature from close quarters, and emerges the next morning with her groove back and a Cheshire cat grin.
Lights, an up-and-coming Canadian artist we've never heard of, needs clothes. (Side note: We still recall the very first time we heard of Lady Gaga. She was on The Hills; Whitney and Lauren styled her and helped her with a too-tight latex corset. Whit and LC had no idea who she was, and probably most viewers didn't either.) So Lights needs an outfit for a New York gig, and Kelly thinks the young singer would look good wearing some Whitney Eve clothes. Roxy is deputized to get the singer into some hooker-ballerina looks. As soon as Lights comes to the showroom, however, she starts wandering off towards other designers' racks, despite Roxy's best attempts to corral her into Whitney Eve. Lights concedes to a single black tuxedo jacket.
Winner: Roxy, because she started off the season like a bumbling fool, but she's increasingly taking her job duties seriously. Even when the grungy singer doesn't show interest in Whitney Eve's girlie glam, Roxy perseveres politely.
Dealing with conflict
Passive-aggressive deflection. After Brody (again) deflects Kristin's affection, she decides to show him up by flirting with a cute bartender in front of him. Brody gets huffy ("I'm looking for chicks here too. Whatever"), then opts for the old "You're my little sister" gambit. (What?) But Kristin, already tipsy, makes a date with Will the bartender, which leads to dancing in the rain while Brody seethes under his knit cap. The following night, Kristin kisses Will and his lip ring in full view of the friends, as the boys shake their heads.
Direct confrontation. Lights walks out wearing a Whitney Eve jacket at her show...and promptly throws it on the ground. Even in the dark club, we can tell Roxy goes pale. Whitney fixates on the jacket, then confronts Roxy backstage, where she accuses her of being a nitwit. Roxy's been dippy in the past, but this time, she's right: she can't force people to wear clothes they don't want to. But Whit doesn't back down, dramatically threatening to sic Kelly on Roxy. The next morning, Roxy tries to explain her case to Whitney, who continues to pull a diva act. The conversation steers towards threats of ending their friendship and moving out.
Winner: The City, with a caveat. On the one hand, we love that the erstwhile spineless Whitney is standing up for herself, but she's picking on Roxy unfairly in this case. Where was this outspokenness during the meeting at Marie Claire?
Holding Grudges
Olivia pulls a pair of electric blue Prabal Gurung pants for a Martha Stewart segment that Joe calls a "home run." Joe congratulates Erin on the segment, gushing again about the pants. Olivia interjects a "thanks," even though he wasn't speaking to her. He's so glad they can all work together! "Very nicely done," Olivia says. Erin shoots her a death look and walks away.
Justin skulks around Audrina throughout the vacation, at one point grabbing her ass. He's oddly solicitous around her, which both the girls and the boys remark on when they break off into groups. To the guys, Justin says that Audrina has too much baggage. While waiting to leave, he tells Aud that he doesn't know how to act around her anymore. When he asks if she'd ever return to romantic Costa Rica, she kills him with "Not with you." He does a wierd pout that suggests he might actually have been hurt and doesn't know how to react on television.
Winner: The City, because Erin's distaste is palpable. (And Audrina's dig strikes us as unnecessarily rude.)
For the first time, The City takes the win in all the categories!]]>
Look, we know you're here to win Top Chef. You're here because you sincerely believe you have what it takes to win this competition and you're not here to make any friends. You're going to beat Angelo and Kenny because what do they know anyway? So listen: let us agree to never have to hear these platitudes again. Until then, I'll mute the first few minutes of this Top Chef episode because blah blah winning, blasé blasé competition. I already forgot what just happened.
Everybody pack into the kitchen before I turn on Netflix.
Oh look! It's White House assistant chef Sam Kass. Well, that didn't take long, Top Chef. You didn't even tease us or make us wait until the fourth episode like other more modest shows. But here he is, asking the cheftestants to not be shy. Come here, get a little closer. The chefs think they're given 30 minutes to make a sandwich, which someone points out is way too easy. And they're right, because the actual challenge is to make a sandwich while having the use of only one hand each, while linked via a Siamese twin-style apron. The chefs had the same reaction we did: "Who got high and came up with this idea?"
In our top four, Kenny & Ed and Angelo (who owns a sandwich shop) & Tracey. Are Kenny and Angelo this season's Volt brothers? That is, two hyper-talented, elbows-throwing competitors that emerge early on as the ones to beat? To further the example, Angelo is easily settling into the happy-to-look-like-a-jerk role vacated by last season's winner. It starts with his smarmy quick fire win and only gets worse from there. Hubris, thy name is cheftestant.
Kass announces the elimination challenge, inspired by first lady Michelle Obama's initiative to bring healthy meals to schoolchildren. In teams of four, the contestants must feed 50 schoolchildren a healthy meal on a $130 budget. Hopes are dashed at the checkout line, where several teams go way over budget, by as much as $100 over. People start tossing ingredients like chairs off the Titanic. Jacqueline's chocolate! Gone. Amanda's sherry! Stays! What?
A chunk of the episode keeps returning to Amanda's chicken, which she stubbornly insists on braising with sherry. It's not like she's handing out goblets of wine to kids, she tries to argue, she just likes how it tastes. Normally that might work as an excuse, but it doesn't fly when the mandate is to cook for children, and healthily at that. It seems like Amanda's teammates didn't push her enough to justify her decision. Her teammate, Jacqueline, who initially tried to whip up a healthy chocolate pudding, has to turn her dish into a strawberry-banana pudding, loading up the sugar content along the way. Amanda's sherry chicken ends up hauling her team into the bottom eight.
The other team that ends up in the bottom: the Kenny-Angelo team, which was maybe sort of on purpose? When Tracey and Angelo took the Quickfire, they were granted immunity. So Angelo chose his biggest threat, Kenny, knowing that with a loss, Kenny faced a 50% chance of leaving. That's some cold-hearted Richard Hatch-style strategizing there. When facing down the judges, Kenny says that their menu didn't include enough vegetables, over his protests. Tom asks Angelo if he had proceeded with a weak menu because he had immunity. Angelo says something mealy mouthed, and suggests that he let Kenny and Ed make their own decisions, and it was up to them to make sure there were more vegetables. Angelo says very little in defense of his team, even as Sherry Queen Amanda sanctimoniously jumps in to question Angelo's use of peanut butter.
No one comes out and accuses Angelo of purposely throwing the challenge, but it's obvious that he's not really sweating being in the bottom. It's all win-win for him.
It's like we're back in Las Vegas, arguing with ourselves about the talent vs likeability question. Angelo is clearly talented, so what if he's a jerk? Things worked out just fine for Michael Voltaggio. But if the new generation of chefs are coming out of the kitchen and into the public's heart, shouldn't personal charm be part of your toolbox? Some would argue that there are a chefs with large personal followings ("cooks", to borrow Kelly Bensimon's lingo) who couldn't face down even a first round Top Chef challenger. But if Top Chef is a launching pad to national fame and your own restaurant, perhaps one should at least try to be a better self-publicist. Then again, all things considered, Angelo's Xie Xie sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Talent, not charm, serves your meal. Sigh. These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Oh, Arnold and Kelly's team finishes in the lead, despite some ego-wrangling of their own. Kelly takes the challenge win.
Jacqueline's banana pudding is deemed worse than Amanda's sherry chicken and she's sent home.
Next week: There is a picnic. Someone hates Alex. No one takes Amanda seriously, even though she smokes like a no good dame in a noir film.]]>
On last night's "The City," viewers got a peek at a trash-inspired photo shoot that tiptoed into Zoolander-territory. This isn't the place to get into a long argument about the merits and history of avant-garde fashion. But Elle's photo shoot with Ke$ha justifies some suspicions normal people harbor about fashion insiders: yes, there are arbitrary rules that apply only to a few (leotards and fishnets for day!) and, yes, editors speak in a coded language ("a viper who's really into trash") that mystifies as much as it keeps outsiders out.
Now on to our patented Speakeasy Dueling Recap Showdown...
Dealing with Rejection and Loss
Audrina stops by Ryan's house, and they sit and haltingly break up on camera. They speak in vague relationship-y platitudes about things not going smoothly. It's just awkward enough to be either a real conversation caught on camera or a difficult conversation recreated for the cameras. But after crying for a day, Audrina perks up; she doesn't veto inviting Justin to her birthday party. When Justin shows up looking like a Polo ad in his pea coat and tousled hair, it's like a palate cleanser from Ryan, with his unfortunate hair, the deep V-neck tee and those red jeans from last week's episode. "I've learned a lot from dating you," Audrina tells Justin on the boat, in their own private scene from a still-unwritten Nicholas Sparks film.
Whitney is ready to hustle for new orders at a trade show. Kelly warns Whit that bad orders can lead to inventory ending up in the purgatory of Century 21 or T.J. Maxx, effectively echoing the current T.J. Maxx TV spots but with a notably less sunny spin. After a breezy encounter with a quirky buyer who places a large order, Whitney grows pale when she learns that he's canceled the entire order. Whitney accuses Roxy of not following up, but Kelly defends Roxy, and tries to turn the frustration into a teachable moment. "Remember what this feels like," she tells Whitney. "It will save you millions in the future."
Winner: The City. While Kelly is sympathetic to Whitney's frustration, she demonstrates that businesspeople have to dwell on solutions, not problems.
Best Way to Display Your Displeasure
Emote: Kristen vs Allie. A curious thing happens when you want to have a screaming match with your mortal enemy in a club. The music is so loud that you have to sit extremely close and lean your face into each other, real intimate like. In other circumstances being close enough to kiss is a sign of affection. But in the club, it's the only to make sure you're ready with your contribution to this significant exchange: "You're crazy!", "No, you're crazy." We're not saying we condone violence, but even our cats throw a few paws around after that much screeching. This constant circling is getting tiresome.
Simper: Olivia vs Punk Rock Shoes. Ever been confused by a stop light that flashes "stop" and "go" at the same time? That's what Olivia does, when confronted with things she doesn't like. She smiles tightly, to communicate that she'll be strenuously polite. But she casts her eyes down, or looks aside, to also let her audience know that her smile is just a display. At Trash & Vaudeville, while looking for shoes for a Ke$ha shoot (and encountering legendary salesclerk Jimmy Webb), she pulls out that smile when forced to try on some clunky shoes that displease her aesthetic. Olivia refuses to walk in the shoes, causing two shop girls to whisper about her airs. "What?" Olivia says defensively to no one in particular, annoyed that people are correctly interpreting the holier-than-thou signals she's sending. As an early twenty-first century philosopher once noted, elegance is learned, my friend.
Winner: Ugh. Draw.
Mastering the Office Tell-Off
Kristin stops by Smashbox to pick up Lo for lunch, and runs into McKaela. Kristin's accent gets even more nasally and languid when she's annoyed, as when McKaela suggests that Kristin's aggressiveness with Allie is really about jealousy over Brody. They trade passive-aggressive taunts about whether these kinds of fights suggest that Kristin's world is too small, or is a sign that her life is so great that she doesn't have anything else to worry about. Sigh. Chicks.
Olivia pulls some Derelicte-inspired Nicholas Kirkwood shoes for the Ke$ha shoot. When Erin asks her for her contact at the company, Olivia cites confidentiality, as if she's Elle's Bob Woodward. Erin suggests that maybe Louise asked for the shoes? Olivia, all arched eyebrows and faux politeness, crows to Erin that Erin's plan to "pin them against each other isn't working." "First of all, it's pit, not pin," Erin says, not bothering to hide her bemusement. Olivia saunters away, presumably to join Kelly Bensimon for lemonade in la la land.
Winner: The City because once you get emotional, you lose. Erin manages a wry smile for Olivia, and doesn't seem fazed...until Olivia is safely out of sight.
This week's winner: The City, because Kristin's empty threats are increasingly hysterical. If she wants to play it cool, she should learn from Erin.]]>
]]>